12.12.2005<\/p>\n
SONBAHARIN SON G\u00dcNE\u015eL\u0130 G\u00dcNLER\u0130NDEN biriydi bug\u00fcn. Parktayd\u0131m. Elbiseleri b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde \u00fczerinden d\u00f6k\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f a\u011fa\u00e7lar, e\u011fri b\u00fc\u011fr\u00fc dallar\u0131yla biraz utanga\u00e7 g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyorlard\u0131. Gencecik de olsa kimileri, bu mevsimde m\u00fctebessim bir ihtiyar gibiydiler.<\/p>\n
M\u00fctebessim ihtiyar diyince soka\u011f\u0131m\u0131zdaki seksenlik \u015eehri Teyzemizi anay\u0131m. Ge\u00e7en g\u00fcn misafir oldu. Bir ara d\u00f6rt ya\u015f\u0131ndaki ye\u011fenim teyzenin yan\u0131na gidip, hen\u00fcz iki di\u015fi \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f misafir bebe\u011fi kast ederek \u201cOnun di\u015fleri daha tam \u00e7\u0131kmam\u0131\u015f. Bak, benim di\u015flerimin hepsi \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f!\u201d dedi. Teyze de takma di\u015flerini g\u00f6sterip \u201cBak, benimkilerin de hepsi \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u201d diyip hi\u00e7 di\u015f \u00e7\u0131karmam\u0131\u015f gibi duran a\u011fz\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6stererek g\u00fcld\u00fc.<\/p>\n
Sonbaharda park\u0131n hali bir ba\u015fka oluyor. Puslu bir hava, c\u0131l\u0131z g\u00fcne\u015f huzmeleri, \u00fc\u015f\u00fcyen ve ne\u015felenmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan \u00e7ocuklar. Ama bu kez \u00f6zel bir g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fcyle kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131m. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckken en sevdi\u011fim \u015fey parkta sallan\u0131rken a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcn mavisine kar\u0131\u015fan ye\u015fil yapraklar\u0131n\u0131 seyretmekti. Mavi ve ye\u015fil yan yana nas\u0131l da yara\u015f\u0131rd\u0131 birbirine. Hafif esen r\u00fczg\u00e2rla bir de h\u0131\u015f\u0131rday\u0131p raksa geldiklerinde, sallanman\u0131n keyfi ka\u00e7a katlan\u0131rd\u0131 tahmin edemem.<\/p>\n
\u0130kindiydi gitti\u011fimde. Tez geldi g\u00fcne\u015fin bat\u0131\u015f\u0131. Alt\u0131n sar\u0131s\u0131 yitmi\u015f ve tun\u00e7la\u015fm\u0131\u015f haliyle k\u0131z\u0131la boyam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 gitmekte oldu\u011fu yeri. Ve ben bu bat\u0131\u015f\u0131 seyretmeye dalarken a\u011fa\u00e7larda son kalan sararm\u0131\u015f yapraklar\u0131 \u00f6nceleyerek bakt\u0131m. Asl\u0131nda dallar\u0131n aras\u0131ndan g\u00fcne\u015fe bakmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordum ama bir ara fondaki k\u0131z\u0131ll\u0131\u011f\u0131 b\u0131rak\u0131p \u00f6n saftaki sar\u0131 yapraklara getirince bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131, k\u0131z\u0131l \u00fcst\u00fc sar\u0131y\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm b\u00f6ylece. Sar\u0131 yapraklar\u0131n ard\u0131ndaki k\u0131z\u0131l g\u00fcne\u015f veya k\u0131z\u0131l\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcndeki sar\u0131 yapraklar\u2026<\/p>\n
\u00dcst \u00fcste binmi\u015f gibiydi iki ayr\u0131l\u0131k. \u0130ki zeval, iki ya\u015fl\u0131l\u0131k, iki uzakla\u015fma kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131kl\u0131, iki veda birbirine s\u0131rt\u0131n\u0131 d\u00f6nerek, iki yol ayr\u0131m\u0131\u2026<\/p>\n
Sar\u0131 yaprak ve k\u0131z\u0131l g\u00fcne\u015f. T\u0131pk\u0131 iki ya\u015fl\u0131n\u0131n kol kola girip birbirinden destek almaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015farak ama birbirine veremeyerek y\u00fcr\u00fcmesi gibi duruyordu kar\u015f\u0131mda. Kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131kl\u0131 iki veda idi bu\u2026 H\u00fcz\u00fcnle birbirine bakan iki fersiz g\u00f6z, iki ac\u0131 s\u00f6z, iki titrek el\u2026<\/p>\n
Bahardaki o kucakla\u015fan, birbirine ne de g\u00fczel yara\u015fan mavi ve ye\u015fil yoktular. \u0130ki tebess\u00fcml\u00fc kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fma, iki mutlu selamlay\u0131\u015f, kenetlenmi\u015f iki g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc el, \u0131\u015f\u0131ldayan iki y\u00fcz de\u011fildiler art\u0131k. Kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131kl\u0131 bitiyor ve gidiyorlard\u0131 son bak\u0131\u015flar e\u015fli\u011finde.<\/p>\n
Fani d\u00fcnya o k\u0131z\u0131l g\u00fcne\u015f, hepimiz o dal\u0131nda titrek duran sar\u0131 yaprak gibiydik hep. Asl\u0131nda hep son bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131zd\u0131 etrafta gezdirdi\u011fimiz. Her mavi ve ye\u015fil kucakla\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131n, bir k\u0131z\u0131l \u00fcst\u00fc sar\u0131 son veda hali vard\u0131. H\u00fcz\u00fcn ka\u00e7a katlan\u0131rd\u0131 tahmin edemezdi hi\u00e7 kimse\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cNas\u0131l da bat\u0131yor!\u201d dedi eni\u015ftem. Ayd\u0131nl\u0131k s\u0131cak sar\u0131s\u0131yla i\u00e7imizi \u0131s\u0131tan ve ne\u015fe katan g\u00fcne\u015fin ihtiyar ve dermans\u0131z bir son haliyle vedaya durmas\u0131ndan kim etkilenmez ki? \u201cBu tarafta bat\u0131yor!\u201d dedim. \u201cAyn\u0131 zamanda ba\u015fka bir tarafta do\u011fuyor!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u0130nsan etkilenir, h\u00fcz\u00fcnlenir ama derin keder ve \u00fcmitsizlikten her zaman kendini kurtarmakla vazifelidir. Bunun i\u00e7in filmin sadece bir karesine de\u011fil, b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcne bakarak ger\u00e7e\u011fe daha yak\u0131n bir anlama ula\u015f\u0131r. \u015eu an bizim ayaklar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n dibine d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyorsa yapraklar, ba\u015fka bir yerde dallarda tomurcuklanm\u0131\u015f, hayata bak\u0131yor yeni gelenler. Bir yerlerde so\u011fuktan donmu\u015f ellerini hohlarken biri, yerk\u00fcrenin ba\u015fka bir yerinde ba\u015fka biri, terini siliyor, eliyle y\u00fcz\u00fcne hava yap\u0131yor serinlemek ad\u0131na. Biri i\u00e7ini \u0131s\u0131tan, avu\u00e7lar\u0131yla kavrad\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u0131cak \u00e7aya \u015f\u00fckrederken, biri i\u00e7ini serinleten buz gibi limonataya hamd ediyor.<\/p>\n
\u201cNas\u0131l da k\u0131z\u0131l oluyor b\u00f6yle?\u201d diyince eni\u015ftem, \u201cI\u015f\u0131k oyunlar\u0131 hepsi!\u201d dedim kendimi tutamay\u0131p. Kendime s\u00f6yl\u00fcyordum asl\u0131nda g\u00f6lge ve \u0131\u015f\u0131k oyunlar\u0131 aras\u0131nda dola\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131, yapmam\u0131z gereken tek \u015feyin \u2018 bunlar\u0131 okumak\u2019 oldu\u011funu\u2026<\/p>\n
Hi\u00e7\u2019in ve yok\u2019un \u00fczerine getirilmi\u015f ve a\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015f hayatlarda, son perde de hepsi tekrar hi\u00e7li\u011fe gitmiyordu hi\u00e7 de\u011filse! Sar\u0131 yaprak ve k\u0131z\u0131l g\u00fcne\u015f kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131kl\u0131 ac\u0131 ve h\u00fcz\u00fcnl\u00fc bir veda sahnesine durmu\u015f gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcnse de, g\u00fcne\u015f ba\u015fka yerde yeniden do\u011fmaya, yaprak ba\u015fka baharda tekrar a\u00e7maya gidiyordu. Buraya \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n\u0131 b\u0131raksa da, ba\u015fka aleme teslim ediyordu ger\u00e7ek kendini, yani ruhunu\u2026<\/p>\n
Bir g\u00fcn \u00fcst \u00fcste binip beni sarho\u015fa \u00e7eviren ac\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131 ve yitirdi\u011fim baz\u0131 kabiliyetlerimi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcnce, \u201cAcaba o kaybettiklerimi zaman ge\u00e7ip i\u00e7sel yaralar kabuk ba\u011flay\u0131nca tekrar bulur muyum?\u201d merak ve endi\u015fesiyle dua ve sual ediyordum. Benim i\u00e7in pek m\u00fcmk\u00fcn g\u00f6r\u00fcnm\u00fcyordu. Bu y\u00fcrek yorgunlu\u011fuyla kim kalk\u0131p da aray\u0131p bulacakt\u0131 yeniden? Ve nas\u0131l yeniden virabismillah diyebilecekti?<\/p>\n
\u201c\u00c7\u00fcr\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f kemikleri kim diriltecek?\u201d soru ayeti geldi birden zihnime. Ayn\u0131 soruyu ben ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc soruyor gibiydim ve \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131\u015f\u0131m yapm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 o ayetle. Ve ayetin devam\u0131na ve cevab\u0131na gitmi\u015fti zihnim: \u201cOnu ilk \u00f6nce yaratan diriltecek!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u0130lk kez bu kadar ferahlam\u0131\u015f, \u015fa\u015fk\u0131n bir i\u00e7sel sevin\u00e7 ya\u015fam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 i\u00e7 alemim.<\/p>\n
Bazen ard\u0131 arkas\u0131nca o kadar yitirmeler i\u00e7ine girer ki insan. Oysa ne varsa buldu\u011fu ve yitirdi\u011fi, takdir edilenden \u00f6tesi de\u011fildir. Koca bir tufan \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p d\u00fcnyay\u0131 kas\u0131p kavuruyormu\u015f ve seni de s\u00fcr\u00fckleyip g\u00f6t\u00fcrecekmi\u015f gibi olursun. Oysa bir gemi in\u015fa edilmektedir bir yandan. \u0130\u00e7ine \u00f6zet ve \u00f6zel birka\u00e7 \u015fey konulmaktad\u0131r. Ve daha m\u00fcnbit bir zeminde \u201cikinci Adem\u201d misali, yeni ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7lar\u0131n ve do\u011fumlar\u0131n, hayat bulu\u015f ve dirili\u015flerin ortas\u0131nda bulursun kendini\u2026<\/p>\n
Her mavi \u00fcst\u00fc ye\u015filin, k\u0131z\u0131l \u00fcst\u00fc sar\u0131ya d\u00f6n\u00fck bir y\u00fcz\u00fc ve bilgeli\u011fi\u2026 Her k\u0131z\u0131l \u00fcst\u00fc sar\u0131n\u0131n, bir mavi \u00fcst\u00fc ye\u015fili bekleyen g\u00f6zleri vard\u0131r\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
12.12.2005 SONBAHARIN SON G\u00dcNE\u015eL\u0130 G\u00dcNLER\u0130NDEN biriydi bug\u00fcn. Parktayd\u0131m. Elbiseleri b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde \u00fczerinden d\u00f6k\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f a\u011fa\u00e7lar, e\u011fri b\u00fc\u011fr\u00fc dallar\u0131yla biraz utanga\u00e7 g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyorlard\u0131. Gencecik de olsa kimileri, bu mevsimde m\u00fctebessim bir ihtiyar gibiydiler. M\u00fctebessim ihtiyar diyince soka\u011f\u0131m\u0131zdaki seksenlik \u015eehri Teyzemizi anay\u0131m. Ge\u00e7en g\u00fcn misafir oldu. Bir ara d\u00f6rt ya\u015f\u0131ndaki ye\u011fenim teyzenin yan\u0131na gidip, hen\u00fcz iki di\u015fi \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f misafir […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":48,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[226],"class_list":["post-90295","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-yazarlar"],"yoast_head":"\n