{"id":88822,"date":"2025-03-01T22:41:49","date_gmt":"2025-03-01T22:41:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.karakalem.avrupabelge.com\/karakalem\/beyaz-sorgu\/"},"modified":"2025-03-01T22:41:49","modified_gmt":"2025-03-01T22:41:49","slug":"beyaz-sorgu","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.karakalem.avrupabelge.com\/karakalem\/beyaz-sorgu\/","title":{"rendered":"Beyaz Sorgu"},"content":{"rendered":"

04.04.2006<\/p>\n

SAH\u0130 K\u0130MD\u0130 o?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Yoksa eski dostu muydu g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc: Hani o \u00e7ocukluk arkada\u015f\u0131, biz asla ayr\u0131lmay\u0131z, bir \u00f6m\u00fcr birlikte ya\u015far, birlikte \u00f6l\u00fcr\u00fcz dedi\u011fi candan dostu. Neden kendisine sanki tan\u0131mam\u0131\u015f gibi bak\u0131yordu. Yoksa tan\u0131mam\u0131\u015f m\u0131yd\u0131 onu. Fakat bu olamazd\u0131. Aradan bin sene ge\u00e7se bile unutamazd\u0131 onu. Peki neden yabanc\u0131 biri gibi bak\u0131yordu ona. Yoksa…<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Bir an kendisine d\u00f6nd\u00fc ve ba\u015ftan a\u015fa\u011f\u0131ya s\u00fczd\u00fc kendini.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

De\u011fi\u015fmi\u015fti, hem de \u00e7ok de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015fti. Oysa arkada\u015f\u0131, o her zamanki vakur haliyle duruyordu kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda. D\u00fcnyaya bana m\u0131s\u0131n demeyen ciddiyeti, sadeli\u011fi ve samimiyetiyle g\u00f6zlerinin taa i\u00e7ine bak\u0131yordu yine.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Hayrola der gibiydi..<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Hayrola de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015fsin…<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tekrar kendisine bakt\u0131, yep yeni bir imaj\u0131 vard\u0131 art\u0131k, sa\u00e7lar\u0131 \u00f6zel bir berberin elinden \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f, \u015fa\u00e7\u0131ndaki beyaz k\u0131llar r\u00f6t\u00fc\u015flenmi\u015f, grantuvalet marka bir tak\u0131m, hafif \u00e7\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131l\u0131 bir g\u00f6bek ve metru\u015f bir suratla ne kadar da yabanc\u0131yd\u0131 o can dostuna. Sahi ne olmu\u015ftu da kopmu\u015flard\u0131 birbirlerinden, neden g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fm\u00fcyorlard\u0131 art\u0131k. Herhangi bir sebep bulamad\u0131.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Kucakla\u015ft\u0131lar.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Ona dokundu\u011funda elindeki s\u0131cakl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ve y\u00fcre\u011findeki samimiyeti hissetti. Nas\u0131ls\u0131n diye sordu nezaketen. Ba\u015fka soracak bir \u015fey bulamad\u0131 zira. Kelimeler bo\u011faz\u0131nda d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmleniyordu sanki. Cevap her zamanki gibi i\u00e7ten ve samimiydi.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201c\u015e\u00fck\u00fcr rabbime, hayat imtihan\u0131n\u0131 hay\u0131rl\u0131s\u0131yla tamamlamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yoruz\u201d. dedi.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Bu s\u00f6zleri sanki kendi haline bak\u0131p da s\u00f6ylenmi\u015fti. Senin gibi olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131ma \u015f\u00fckrediyorum, diyor gibi geldi ona. Fakat o h\u00e2l\u00e2 tebess\u00fcm ediyordu. G\u00f6zlerinden, sen nas\u0131ls\u0131n, c\u00fcmlelerini okudu.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Be ben, diye kekeledi, sonra kalbinin sesine kulak vererek, \u201cBen tevec\u00fch-i nas ve \u015f\u00f6hretin te\u015fvikiyle, medya denilen sanal okulda riya, tasannu ve ikiy\u00fczl\u00fcl\u00fck dersi al\u0131yorum. \u0130\u00e7tima\u00ee hayat tiyatrosunda maskeli balo oyununu icra ediyorum.\u201d G\u00f6zler yine sorgulay\u0131c\u0131, \u201cPeki kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131nda ne veriyorsun?\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cKar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131nda m\u0131..\u201d Bir an duralad\u0131.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cKar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, samimiyet, safl\u0131k ve insaniyetimi veriyorum\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Ve balyoz gibi inen bir soru daha:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cDe\u011fiyor mu bari\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cAnlamad\u0131m?\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cVerdi\u011fin \u00fccret, ald\u0131\u011f\u0131na de\u011fiyor mu?\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Cevab\u0131 belliydi elbet. Belliydi de neden bile bile beni yaral\u0131yordu? Neden beni yerin dibine sokuyordu? Oysa ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131nda kendimi ne kadar da rahat ve iyi hissediyordum. Onlar kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda ezilmek \u015f\u00f6yle dursun kendini onlardan olduk\u00e7a iyi durumda g\u00f6r\u00fcyordum. Hi\u00e7 a\u015fa\u011f\u0131l\u0131k kompleksi ya\u015fam\u0131yordum.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Neden g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015f\u00fc be\u015f para etmez dervi\u015f kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda b\u00f6ylesine eziliyordum? Neden kendimi silik ve bir hi\u00e7mi\u015fim gibi hissediyordum?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Ayr\u0131ld\u0131k.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Fakat o g\u00f6zler h\u00e2l\u00e2 yan\u0131mda. \u015eefkatle kar\u0131\u015f\u0131k ac\u0131mayla, dostlukla bakan, ayr\u0131l\u0131\u015f esnas\u0131nda d\u00f6n\u00fcpte bana bir\u015fey s\u00f6ylemek istermi\u015fcesine bakan o anlaml\u0131 g\u00f6zler h\u00e2l\u00e2 akl\u0131mda. Ne diyecekti acaba? Bir s\u0131r olup gitmi\u015fti yan\u0131mdan. Tekrar bulu\u015fmak \u00fczere, dilindeki s\u0131rla gitmi\u015fti. Belki bir dahaki sefere s\u00f6ylerdi diyece\u011fini. Belki…<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Aradan y\u0131llar ge\u00e7ti.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Art\u0131k d\u00fcnyaca me\u015fhur biriydi. \u0130stedi\u011fi her\u015feyi vard\u0131. \u00dcn, makam, para, kad\u0131n, tevecc\u00fch, bir insan\u0131n d\u00fcnyada elde edebilece\u011fi hemen her \u015fey.<\/p>\n

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Odas\u0131nda oturmu\u015f emirler ya\u011fd\u0131r\u0131yordu sa\u011fa sola. O s\u0131rada telefonu \u00e7ald\u0131. Arayan sekreteriydi. <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cBiri sizinle g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fmek istiyor efendim.\u201d <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cBiri mi?\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cKimmi\u015f, ad\u0131 neymi\u015f\u201ddiye sordu.\u201d\u00d6yle susmasana, s\u00f6yle neyin nesiymi\u015f.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201c\u00d6\u011frenemedim efendim. Ad\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6ylemek istemeyen biri.\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Biri! beklenmedik biri. Genelde g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fc insanlar \u201cbirileri\u201d de\u011fildi. Onlar s\u0131radan de\u011fillerdi. Hepsinin ad\u0131 san\u0131 \u015f\u00f6hreti vard\u0131. Bu esrarangiz \u201cbiri\u201d can\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n

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\u201cNe demek biri, Neden ba\u015f\u0131ndan savm\u0131yorsun, beni me\u015fgul ediyorsun.\u201d diye azarlad\u0131 sekreteri.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Sekreter \u201cAma efendim.. kovamad\u0131m. Zira bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131, vakar\u0131 ve duru\u015fundaki cesareti, a\u011fz\u0131ma kilit vurdu. Kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda ezildim. \u00d6yle bir bakt\u0131 ki bana, iste\u011fini geri \u00e7eviremedim.\u201d diyemedi patronuna. Sadece, \u201cAma efendim\u201d diyebildi.<\/p>\n

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\u201cPeki tamam s\u00f6yle hadi kim bu adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cGarip bir adam. Eski bir dost deyip duruyor. Bir de\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cBir de ne?\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cBir de, yan\u0131ndan hi\u00e7 ay\u0131rmak istemedi\u011finiz endam aynas\u0131 oldu\u011funu s\u00f6yledi.\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cNe dedi dedin?\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cEndam aynas\u0131\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Bir an duraklad\u0131. Zihni ge\u00e7mi\u015fe gitti. Bir anlam veremedi. O lakapla an\u0131lan birini hat\u0131rl\u0131yamad\u0131. Ama yine de \u201cGelsin\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n

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Sekreter, \u201cHemen mi? diye sordu. O, k\u0131zg\u0131nca, \u201cEvet, hemen!\u201d dedi. <\/p>\n

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Derken kap\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131, g\u00f6zlerinden kalbine bakan bir \u00e7ift g\u00f6z g\u00f6rd\u00fc.<\/p>\n

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Kimdi bu adam? \u0130nsanlar\u0131n \u00e7o\u011funun a\u015famad\u0131\u011f\u0131 engelleri a\u015f\u0131p da yan\u0131na ula\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

G\u00f6zler, evet o g\u00f6zler ne kadar da tan\u0131d\u0131kt\u0131. Peki nereden tan\u0131yordu onu?<\/p>\n

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Zihninde bir k\u0131v\u0131lc\u0131m, uzaklardan gelen bir k\u0131v\u0131lc\u0131m. Yoksa.. evet evet ta kendisi. Eski dostu. Candan arkada\u015f\u0131. Peki neden uzak duruyordu ona. Aralar\u0131nda ne kadar da uzak bir mesafe vard\u0131. Neden yan\u0131na yakla\u015f\u0131p onu kucaklam\u0131yordu eskisi gibi.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Ona do\u011fru hamle yapt\u0131. Sar\u0131l\u0131p kucaklamak istedi.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Fakat neden aradaki mesafe bu kadar uzakt\u0131. Oysa oda darac\u0131kt\u0131. Neden yan\u0131ba\u015f\u0131nda duran, bu kadar uzak g\u00f6z\u00fck\u00fcyordu?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Ve o g\u00f6zler, y\u00fcre\u011fini delip ge\u00e7en o g\u00f6zler. Soran sorgulayan, ayn\u0131 zamanda ac\u0131mayla bakan o \u015fefkatli g\u00f6zler. \u201cNas\u0131ls\u0131n? Arad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bulabildin mi? Mutlu musun, diye soran o ate\u015fin g\u00f6zler. Konu\u015fmadan hayk\u0131ran, dokunmadan ac\u0131tan m\u00e2n\u00e2 y\u00fckl\u00fc g\u00f6zler.<\/p>\n

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\u201cEvet, hem de \u00e7ook\u201d demeyi ne kadar da isterdi. Fakat o g\u00f6zlere nas\u0131l yalan s\u00f6lenirdi. \u00d6zleri g\u00f6ren, s\u00f6zleri \u00f6zlerden ay\u0131ran o aldanmaz g\u00f6n\u00fcl g\u00f6zlerini aldatmak m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fildi asla.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Mahcup bir \u00e7ocuk edas\u0131yla boyun b\u00fckt\u00fc. Yine o ezilmi\u015flik, yine o sanki hi\u00e7mi\u015f gibi halleri. Sahip oldu\u011fu onca \u015feye be\u015f para ehemmiyet vermeyen o g\u00f6zler.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cHadi gidiyoruz.\u201d diyordu<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cNereye?\u201d<\/p>\n

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G\u00f6zler, sorular\u0131 ben sorar\u0131m, cevaplar\u0131 da ben veririm, diyordu.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Adam kap\u0131ya y\u00f6neldi oda arkas\u0131ndan. Ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7evirdi, odas\u0131na bakt\u0131. Her \u015fey canlanm\u0131\u015f, sak\u0131n gitme, diyordu. \u201cSak\u0131n gitme. O seni bizden ay\u0131rmak istiyor.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 tekrar o g\u00f6zlere \u00e7evirdi. G\u00f6zler \u00e7ok \u015fey s\u00f6yl\u00fcyordu.<\/p>\n

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\u00c7\u0131kt\u0131 odas\u0131ndan. Sekreteri, \u201cBeyefendi nereye gidiyorsunuz? \u015eu anda bir randevunuz var. Ve bu g\u00fcn sizin en yo\u011fun g\u00fcn\u00fcn\u00fcz.\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Randevular, \u00f6nemli zatlar, b\u00fcy\u00fck i\u015fler\u2026 O olmazsa y\u00fcr\u00fcmeyecek i\u015fler. Ve tekrar s\u00fcr\u00e7en ayaklar. Sekreterin g\u00f6z\u00fcne anlams\u0131zca bakt\u0131 bir m\u00fcdet. Neredeydi sahi? Nereye gidiyordu. Onun bir s\u00fcr\u00fc sorumlulu\u011fu yok muydu? Nas\u0131l b\u0131rak\u0131p giderdi onca i\u015fi. Onsuz nas\u0131l y\u00fcr\u00fcrd\u00fc i\u015fler.<\/p>\n

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Ve yine o g\u00f6zler.<\/p>\n

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\u201cAl\u0131\u015f\u0131rs\u0131n, d\u00fcnya d\u00f6nmek i\u00e7in sana muhta\u00e7 de\u011fil\u201d diyen ac\u0131mazs\u0131z g\u00f6zler. \u00c7ar na\u00e7ar terkediyor binay\u0131. Ve arabas\u0131na y\u00f6neliyor, d\u00fcnyada bir e\u015fi daha olmayan, sadece ona mahsus olan son model arabas\u0131na. Ve g\u00f6zler, y\u00fcr\u00fcyece\u011fiz, diyor. T\u0131pk\u0131 bir dervi\u015f gibi. Yayan gidece\u011fiz.<\/p>\n

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Ve sokakta hayranlar\u0131 sar\u0131yor etraf\u0131n\u0131. B\u0131rakma bizi, sensiz ne yapar\u0131z biz\u2026 Etraf\u0131n\u0131 sar\u0131yorlar. Seni asla b\u0131rakmay\u0131z, diyorlar. G\u00f6zler, bana bak, diyor.<\/p>\n

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G\u00f6zler endam aynas\u0131na d\u00f6n\u00fcyor. Aynada kendi ya\u015fl\u0131 halini g\u00f6r\u00fcyor ve etraf\u0131nda eski hayranlar\u0131…<\/p>\n

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Kimi ac\u0131mayla kimi tiksintiyle bakan hayranlar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyor.<\/p>\n

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Ve g\u00f6zler seni terkedecek olana nas\u0131l ba\u011flan\u0131rs\u0131n, diyor.<\/p>\n

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Sesler\u2026 \u201cSevgilim beni b\u0131rak\u0131p nereye gidiyorsun?<\/p>\n

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\u201cBaba bizi b\u0131rakma!\u201d diyen sesler.<\/p>\n

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Tekrar d\u00f6ner arkas\u0131na ve tekrar s\u00fcr\u00e7er ayaklar\u0131. Ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7evirmeye cesaret edemez. G\u00f6zler, bu d\u00fcnya hayat\u0131 oyun ve oyna\u015fmadan ibaret dercesine, bakacak ona. Kalbine bitimsiz elemler b\u0131rakan sevgileri terk et, dercesine bakacak ona. Onsuz her \u015fey anlams\u0131z, Onunla b\u00fct\u00fcn sevgiler sonsuz, dercesine bakacak.<\/p>\n

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\u00c7evirdi ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131. <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

O da ne? <\/p>\n

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G\u00f6zler kayboldu birden. Yoksa bir r\u00fcya m\u0131yd\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fckleri? Ama hi\u00e7 uyumam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ki. \u00dcstelik ayakta duruyordu. \u0130yice a\u00e7t\u0131 g\u00f6zlerini ve kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda duran tabloya y\u00f6neldi. Yoksa saatlerce bu tabloya m\u0131 bak\u0131yordu. Evet belki de.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Hat\u0131rlad\u0131. Ta ba\u015f\u0131ndan beri tablodaki Arap\u00e7a ibareyi s\u00f6kmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n

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Sahi ne yaz\u0131yordu tabloda? \u0130yice dikkat etti. \u0130bareyi okudu.<\/p>\n

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\n

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\u201cMUTU KABLE ENTEMUTU\u201d (\u00d6lmeden \u00f6nce \u00f6l\u00fcn\u00fcz.)<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

04.04.2006 SAH\u0130 K\u0130MD\u0130 o? Yoksa eski dostu muydu g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc: Hani o \u00e7ocukluk arkada\u015f\u0131, biz asla ayr\u0131lmay\u0131z, bir \u00f6m\u00fcr birlikte ya\u015far, birlikte \u00f6l\u00fcr\u00fcz dedi\u011fi candan dostu. Neden kendisine sanki tan\u0131mam\u0131\u015f gibi bak\u0131yordu. Yoksa tan\u0131mam\u0131\u015f m\u0131yd\u0131 onu. Fakat bu olamazd\u0131. Aradan bin sene ge\u00e7se bile unutamazd\u0131 onu. Peki neden yabanc\u0131 biri gibi bak\u0131yordu ona. Yoksa… Bir an […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[164],"class_list":["post-88822","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-yazarlar"],"yoast_head":"\nBeyaz Sorgu - Karakalem<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Beyaz Sorgu - Karakalem\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"04.04.2006 SAH\u0130 K\u0130MD\u0130 o? Yoksa eski dostu muydu g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc: Hani o \u00e7ocukluk arkada\u015f\u0131, biz asla ayr\u0131lmay\u0131z, bir \u00f6m\u00fcr birlikte ya\u015far, birlikte \u00f6l\u00fcr\u00fcz dedi\u011fi candan dostu. Neden kendisine sanki tan\u0131mam\u0131\u015f gibi bak\u0131yordu. Yoksa tan\u0131mam\u0131\u015f m\u0131yd\u0131 onu. Fakat bu olamazd\u0131. Aradan bin sene ge\u00e7se bile unutamazd\u0131 onu. Peki neden yabanc\u0131 biri gibi bak\u0131yordu ona. 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