10.10.2009<\/p>\n
\u00d6YLE B\u0130R b\u00fcy\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm olsa…Yap\u0131p ettiklerimle de\u011fil de, yapmak istediklerimle alsa boyumun \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc. Bitirdi\u011fim i\u015flere bakarak de\u011fil; i\u00e7imde b\u00fcy\u00fctt\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm hayallerimle takdir etse beni. Elimden gelenleri de\u011fil sadece; kalbimden ge\u00e7enleri tartsa \u015fefkatinin terazisinde. \u0130yilik yapmak isteyi\u015fimi de iyiliklerimden saysa… <\/p>\n
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Yapamasam da, yapmak isteyi\u015fimle yapm\u0131\u015f saysa iyili\u011fi. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcp tasarlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fckten vazge\u00e7ti\u011fim i\u00e7in, kimsenin d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcn fark\u0131na bile varmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fckten d\u00f6nd\u00fcm diye, sessizli\u011fi bozsa, omuzlar\u0131ma dokundursa merhametini, g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn i\u00e7ine bak\u0131p “aferin!” dese. \u0130\u00e7imin zaferlerini ilan etse \u015fehre. Kalbimin fetihleri i\u00e7in \u015fehirler ba\u011f\u0131\u015flasa bana. Yuttu\u011fum k\u00f6t\u00fc s\u00f6zlerim i\u00e7in te\u015fekk\u00fcr etse. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 ok\u015famak isteyip de ok\u015fayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m yetimlerin sa\u00e7lar\u0131 say\u0131s\u0131nca \u00f6d\u00fcllendirse beni. \u0130mdad\u0131na yeti\u015femedim her mazlumun her ‘Ah!’\u0131 i\u00e7in yand\u0131\u011f\u0131m “Ah!”larca teselli etse beni. Hi\u00e7 olmazsa uykumu b\u00f6ld\u00fcm diye yoksullar i\u00e7in, kom\u015fusu a\u00e7ken deliksiz uyuyanlardan, mazlumlar a\u011flarken hoyrat\u00e7a g\u00fclenlerden ayr\u0131 bir yere koysa beni… <\/p>\n
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Ettiklerimle de\u011fil, edemediklerimle de de\u011fil; etmek istediklerimle, edemedim diye kendimi paralad\u0131klar\u0131mla k\u0131ymet bi\u00e7se bana. Hapsetmese beni c\u0131l\u0131z kudretime… Elimin eri\u015fti\u011fi yerin s\u0131\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda de\u011fil, hayallerimin g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcne sald\u0131\u011f\u0131m u\u00e7urtmalar\u0131n ufkunda g\u00f6rse beni. Bak\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131n ayinesinde et kemikten g\u00f6vdemi de\u011fil; d\u00fcnyalar\u0131 avucunda eritmeye kararl\u0131 ruhumun heykelini konuk etse… Bitirdi\u011fim i\u015flerin darac\u0131k hacmine s\u0131\u011f\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmasa varl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131… \u0130deallerimi kocaman ve mavi bir g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fc gibi sergilese bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131nda… \u00d6zlemlerimin her birini, \u00e7i\u00e7ek \u00e7i\u00e7ek ger\u00e7ekle\u015fmi\u015f, tohumlarca filizlenmi\u015f, doyas\u0131ya meyvelenmi\u015f bir bahar somutlu\u011funda tutsa elinde… Ba\u015far\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131 ger\u00e7ekle\u015ftirdi\u011fim sonu\u00e7lar\u0131n hafifli\u011fince de\u011fil; arzu etti\u011fim, umdu\u011fum, yoluna d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm, u\u011frunda \u00e7abalad\u0131\u011f\u0131m ideallerime g\u00f6re belirlese. <\/p>\n
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Kalbimde g\u00fcne\u015fleri ta\u015f\u0131yorken, elimdeki titrek muma g\u00f6re k\u0131ymetlenirsem yaz\u0131k de\u011fil mi bana? Kalbinde olsun s\u00f6n\u00fck bir mum ayd\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131yamayanlarla, s\u0131rf elimde de mum yok diye ayn\u0131 kefeye konulmu\u015fsam ben, kalbimin karnesini g\u00f6sterece\u011fim b\u00fcy\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm nerede? <\/p>\n
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Beni de\u011ferli k\u0131lan sadece elimle kazand\u0131klar\u0131m ve biriktirdiklerimse, azlar-\u00e7oklar aras\u0131nda gidip gelen, var-yok aras\u0131 \u00e7aresizce \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131nan varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n kuyusuna itilmi\u015f bir zavall\u0131y\u0131m. Elindekinin azalmas\u0131yla mahzun olan, \u00e7o\u011faltt\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131n ise azalmas\u0131ndan korkarak ya\u015fayan s\u0131\u011f bir zengin olsam ne fayda? Hayat\u0131m\u0131n anlam\u0131, ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m sonu\u00e7lara ba\u011fl\u0131 olacaksa, ba\u015far\u0131lar\u0131m ele ge\u00e7irdiklerimle \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fclecekse, elden \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f d\u00fcn ve gelece\u011fi ku\u015fkulu bir yar\u0131n aras\u0131na s\u0131k\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f bir dilenciyim ben. Varlar\u0131yla \u015f\u0131maran, yoklar\u0131yla rezil olan, varlar\u0131n\u0131n daha da var olmas\u0131 i\u00e7in dilenen, eksilenleri y\u00fcz\u00fcnden daha da ezilen s\u0131\u011f bir varl\u0131kla ne ederim ki? G\u00f6vdemi \u00f6zne etmi\u015fsem kendime, etten kemikten, y\u0131rt\u0131labilir ve k\u0131r\u0131labilir bir zeminde yalpalayarak y\u00fcr\u00fcyen, kaslar\u0131na as\u0131larak dikilen, sonunda toprakta \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcmeye mahk\u00fbm bir tedirginim ben. Kalpsizlerin zalimce biriktirdikleri yan\u0131nda k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck kalacaksam, ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m kalbin zenginli\u011fini hangi aynada g\u00f6rece\u011fim? G\u00f6zleri e\u015fyan\u0131n k\u00f6r ufuklar\u0131na hapsedilmi\u015f ruhsuzlar\u0131n g\u00f6z kama\u015ft\u0131r\u0131c\u0131 servetlerin g\u00f6lgesinde a\u015fa\u011f\u0131lanacaksam, hayallerimin y\u00fcceli\u011fine, umutlar\u0131m\u0131n s\u0131n\u0131rs\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131na kimin nazar\u0131nda de\u011fer arayaca\u011f\u0131m? <\/p>\n
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M\u00fcmin isem e\u011fer…<\/p>\n
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\u0130\u00e7imin de i\u00e7ini Rabbimin nazar\u0131na gizli sakl\u0131s\u0131z sunuyorsam, Rabbime g\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc g\u00f6rerek var olanlardansam, de\u011ferimin Rablerinin kat\u0131nda \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcne inananlarla berabersem…<\/p>\n
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Etten kemikten g\u00f6vdeden \u00e7\u0131kan eylemleriyle de\u011fil; ta\u015f, k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t ve metalden in\u015fa edilen ba\u015far\u0131lar\u0131mla de\u011fil; ruhum \u00fczerinde y\u00fckselen, kalbimle in\u015fa etti\u011fim niyetlerim \u00fczerinden de\u011fer kazan\u0131r\u0131m.<\/p>\n
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Bedenim ve biriktirdiklerim azald\u0131 diye \u00fcz\u00fclmem, azalacak diye korkmam. Ete kemi\u011fe g\u00f6re azal\u0131p \u00e7o\u011falmam. Para pula g\u00f6re, metale betona g\u00f6re eksilip artmam. K\u0131ymetimi O?ndan bilirim. D\u00fcnyan\u0131n hi\u00e7bir terazisinde a\u011f\u0131r gelmek i\u00e7in birik(tir)meye tenezz\u00fcl etmem. D\u00fcnyan\u0131n terazilerinde hafif kald\u0131m diye hay\u0131flanmam. Bedenime yaslanarak de\u011fil sadece, kalbimi ve ruhumu \u00f6zne yaparak, huzurunda k\u0131yam etti\u011fimden al\u0131r\u0131m ben k\u0131ymetimi. Ayar\u0131m\u0131 O bilir, O verir. O’nun nazar\u0131nda hep tedav\u00fclde kal\u0131r\u0131m. O’nun yak\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda arar\u0131m ge\u00e7erlili\u011fimi? Eylemlerim \u00fczerinden de\u011fil, niyetlerim \u00fczerinden tartar O beni. Rabbimin de\u011ferler \u00e7\u0131tas\u0131nda kalbim kal\u0131b\u0131mdan daha y\u00fcksek atlar.<\/p>\n
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Onun i\u00e7in der ki \u00e2lemlere rahmet Peygamberim [asm]: “M\u00fcminin niyeti amelinden hay\u0131rl\u0131d\u0131r.”<\/p>\n
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10.10.2009 \u00d6YLE B\u0130R b\u00fcy\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm olsa…Yap\u0131p ettiklerimle de\u011fil de, yapmak istediklerimle alsa boyumun \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc. Bitirdi\u011fim i\u015flere bakarak de\u011fil; i\u00e7imde b\u00fcy\u00fctt\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm hayallerimle takdir etse beni. Elimden gelenleri de\u011fil sadece; kalbimden ge\u00e7enleri tartsa \u015fefkatinin terazisinde. \u0130yilik yapmak isteyi\u015fimi de iyiliklerimden saysa… Yapamasam da, yapmak isteyi\u015fimle yapm\u0131\u015f saysa iyili\u011fi. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcp tasarlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fckten vazge\u00e7ti\u011fim i\u00e7in, kimsenin d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcn fark\u0131na bile varmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[144],"class_list":["post-87914","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-yazarlar"],"yoast_head":"\n