08.01.2003<\/p>\n
W. L. Larned<\/p>\n
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B\u00dcT\u00dcN bunlar\u0131, ancak sen uyurken yazabiliyorum. <\/p>\n
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Az \u00f6nce oturmu\u015f tek ba\u015f\u0131ma kitab\u0131m\u0131 okuyordum. Birden i\u00e7imi bir pi\u015fmanl\u0131k dalgas\u0131 kaplad\u0131. Kendimi \u00e7ok su\u00e7lu hissediyordum. Kalk\u0131p odana, senin yan\u0131na geldim. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck ellerinden biri yana\u011f\u0131na dayanm\u0131\u015f ve bukleli sa\u00e7lar\u0131n terle \u0131slanan aln\u0131na yap\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. <\/p>\n
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Bu sabah, sen okula gitmek i\u00e7in giyinirken, yine seni azarlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc iyi y\u0131kamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131n, ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131n da kir pas i\u00e7indeydi! Bir de yerlere e\u015fyalar\u0131n\u0131 at\u0131p ortal\u0131\u011f\u0131 da\u011f\u0131tman var ya, b\u00fcsb\u00fct\u00fcn sinirlendirmi\u015fti beni. Kahvalt\u0131 masas\u0131nda da seni azarlad\u0131m. Masan\u0131n \u00fczerine bir\u015fey devirdin, dirseklerini masaya dayad\u0131n ve ekme\u011fine gere\u011finden \u00e7ok tereya\u011f\u0131 s\u00fcrd\u00fcn. Bu davran\u0131\u015flar beni \u00e7ileden \u00e7\u0131karm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n
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Ben i\u015fe, sen okula gitmek \u00fczere evden \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131k. Sen bana \u201cG\u00fcle g\u00fcle babac\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u201d diyerek el sallad\u0131n. Ben kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k bile vermedim ve sana \u201cOmuzlar\u0131n\u0131 dik tut, kambur y\u00fcr\u00fcme!\u201d diye \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.<\/p>\n
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Ak\u015fam i\u015ften eve gelirken, seni sokakta dizlerini yere dayam\u0131\u015f halde, toz toprak i\u00e7inde \u00e7ocuklarla oynarken g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131n peri\u015fan haldeydi. \u00d6n\u00fcme kat\u0131p seni eve getirdim, arkada\u015flar\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131nda k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrd\u00fcm. Sonra, \u201cBu ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131n paras\u0131n\u0131 sen kazansayd\u0131n, bakal\u0131m b\u00f6yle kullan\u0131r m\u0131yd\u0131n?\u201d diye azarlad\u0131m. Ak\u015fam yemekten sonra ben \u00e7al\u0131\u015fma odama \u00e7ekilince, sen \u00fcrke \u00fcrke odama geldin. Ben ise, gazetemin \u00fczerinden sana sert bir bak\u0131\u015f f\u0131rlatarak, \u201cGene ne istiyorsun?\u201d diye sordum.<\/p>\n
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Sen hi\u00e7bir \u015fey s\u00f6ylemedin, ko\u015farak yan\u0131ma geldin ve kollar\u0131n\u0131 boynuma dolay\u0131p, beni \u00f6pt\u00fcn. Allah\u2019\u0131n kalbine verdi\u011fi sevgiyi, benim ilgisizli\u011fim solduramam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Sen, bu sevgi ile, o k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck kollar\u0131nla beni sar\u0131p sarmalam\u0131\u015ft\u0131n.<\/p>\n
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\u0130\u015fte b\u00f6yle, yavrum. Sen yatt\u0131ktan az sonra gazetem ellerimden kayd\u0131. \u0130\u00e7imi bir pi\u015fmanl\u0131k sard\u0131. Sana kar\u015f\u0131 yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m hatalar\u0131 g\u00f6rmek, beni tarifi imk\u00e2ns\u0131z bir \u015fekilde \u00fczd\u00fc. Galiba kusur aramak, azarlamak al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131k haline gelmi\u015fti bende. Seni seviyordum. Fakat, senin k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir \u00e7ocuk oldu\u011funu unutup, b\u00fcy\u00fck insan davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131 bekliyordum senden. Ancak uzun y\u0131llar sonunda biriktirilebilecek bir y\u0131\u011f\u0131n hayat tecr\u00fcbesine \u015fimdiden sahipmi\u015fsin gibi davranman\u0131 istiyordum. Oysa, senin ruhunda ne kadar ger\u00e7ek, ne kadar do\u011fru, ne kadar temiz \u015feyler var! K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck kalbin ne kadar da b\u00fcy\u00fck! Benden y\u00fcz bulamad\u0131\u011f\u0131n halde beni gelip \u00f6pmenle, bunu \u00f6yle g\u00fczel a\u00e7\u0131klad\u0131n ki…<\/p>\n
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Korkar\u0131m ki, seni kocaman bir adam sand\u0131m bug\u00fcne kadar. \u015eimdi sana bak\u0131yorum da, ne kadar k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcks\u00fcn! Bebe\u011fim bunu ancak \u015fimdi anl\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n
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Me\u011fer senden \u00e7ok fazla \u015fey istemi\u015fim o\u011flum!. \u00c7ok fazla \u015fey…<\/p>\n
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(Aile \u00d6yk\u00fcleri’nden al\u0131nm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r.)<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
08.01.2003 W. L. Larned B\u00dcT\u00dcN bunlar\u0131, ancak sen uyurken yazabiliyorum. Az \u00f6nce oturmu\u015f tek ba\u015f\u0131ma kitab\u0131m\u0131 okuyordum. Birden i\u00e7imi bir pi\u015fmanl\u0131k dalgas\u0131 kaplad\u0131. Kendimi \u00e7ok su\u00e7lu hissediyordum. Kalk\u0131p odana, senin yan\u0131na geldim. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck ellerinden biri yana\u011f\u0131na dayanm\u0131\u015f ve bukleli sa\u00e7lar\u0131n terle \u0131slanan aln\u0131na yap\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Bu sabah, sen okula gitmek i\u00e7in giyinirken, yine seni azarlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[142],"class_list":["post-87751","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-yazarlar"],"yoast_head":"\n